allmyownliving

I have learned not to have a white bedspread in a household with a black cat, a grey cat, another kind of cat, and a big grey dog. Now I have a hairspread with decorative paw prints. I have learned not to leave a box of cereal on the counter, because a big grey dog will chew it up and eat every crumb of Fruit and Yogurt Special K. "Eat breakfast and weigh less" it said on the box. How about eat none of it and feel angrier. I have learned to keep my bedroom door closed, because the cats think of my room as Adventureland. And also because it is Old Country Buffet for the dog. Used Kleenix and Q-tips: all you can eat!
I have learned that I do not need to buy a whole watermelon for myself. Do you have any idea how much watermelon that is? Also, would you like some? I have enough for 3,217 more servings.
I have learned that the cats want to run outside more than anything when you open the door, and they do not like being grabbed by the tail when they try to escape. Well, then don't run away.
I have learned that sleeping with my contacts in is the top way to have red, bloodshot eyes for the next three days. I will remember this for when I am trying to look stoned. I don't know when that scenario would ever come up, but when it does I will be ready.

It's time for everyone's favorite LIST OF THINGS CHRISTA LOVES!
1. Saturdays
2. Hot tubs
3. The house to myself
4. Feeling like I spent a day productively for ONCE :o)
5. Night cheese
6. The song "Fine Without You" by The All-American Rejects because I don't feel anything when I hear it anymore
7. Sitting in the kitchen listening to my iPod
8. Silly, silly, sillyness
9. Toasted almonds
10. When fruit flies aren't in season
11. English muffin toasting bread with butter AND peanut butter (it is low cal)
12. Swine flu...NOT
13. E.L. Fudge
14. Old ipod playlists with craaaaayzay amounts of old pop songs on them
15. Rising Moon (Seasonal Collection)
16. Being Maid of Honor in Heather and Matt's wedding
Sweet sixteen! Sixteen is all for now.

1. I made some money working the overnight shift and found out I am able to stay awake all night.
2. I finished Mom's birthday shopping.
3. I finished my last Intro to Counseling Paper of the semester.
4. I slept most of the day (this one could also be bad since I probably won't be able to sleep tonight, but it was really fun to have an excuse to do it).
5. I laughed a lot.

Has been...amazing.
I got up nice and early and brought Lucy and Hazel to Designer Dogs for a haircut. They look dang cute. While they were there (it takes about 3 hours to bathe, clip, trim, etc.) I did some homework, worked on a paper...
I picked up the muttons, ate some lunch, did a little more reading, laundry...singing to myself all the time.
Then I went to class, got out early, and now it's 10:30 and I'm cozy in my jammies watching Medium.
Tomorrow I got me women's group, lunch with pals, Chi Sigma.
How good is this week starting out!?

Because I am going to express my personal opinions about the American Idol contestants in the order in which they appeared on tonight's show. For a BONUS, I will predict tomorrow's bottom three.
Anoop Desai: I cannot take him seriously. He is a good singer, but not fun to watch. He clearly takes him self REALLY seriously. He scrunches his nose up weird when he sings, which I find very unsettling, and his jaw when he does riffs. Make it stop, Cliffy.
Megan Joy: The novelty of her Adele-Meets-Amy-Winehouse voice has worn off, and she is still around because she is extremely beautiful. When she is not singing. Because that makes me want to poke my own eyes out. And you know what? Better do the ears too. I could be biased because I'm jealous of her beauty though. Haha.
Danny Gokey: Is this year's Eliot Yamin. He will continue to do well. But I still find him kinda forgettable. Like, he's a super nice guy, but not super compelling to watch. Awesome voice though.
Allison Iraheta: Is my favorite this season. She is 16, and her voice is one hundred percent ridiculousity. Wore a crazy outfit tonight, and the judges went ape on her for it. Who cares! She sounded great, though she did kind of oversing. I think she'll be solid from now on though if she doesn't try to play guitar. Allison, honey, you don't need a guitar! It just gets in your way! She sang a No Doubt song, and she's way overqualified to be singing such a simple melody. She needs to bust out with some gospel or something.
Scott MacIntyre: Is the blind one. He did well tonight. He always plays piano and sings, which I think is probably the best bet for him. He will probably be famous regardless of the outcome this season. He got a haircut, which I was diggin.
Matt Giraud: Just keeps getting worse every week. He had a Justin Timberlake vibe at first, but now he just can't seem to work shit out. He sang "You Found Me" by The Fray tonight, which was a bad move.
Lil Rounds: Has some major pipes. But she's picking bad songs week after week. And wearing bad wigs. I liked her own hair best. She was such a spitfire! She needs to get on some Mary J Blige and she'll be good.
Adam Lambert: Untouchable. Nailed another one. Most original in the competition. He will be a star.
Kris Allen: Not my favorite, kind of looks like a chimp when he sings, but he's not going anywhere. Pretty talented overall, and makes good song choices.
THE BOTTOM THREE WILL BE:
Anoop Desai, Megan Joy, Matt Giraud
I think Matt Giraud will go home, and the judges will not save him.

TODAY I worked for 12 hours straight! It started out as a shortie lil' shift, and then it turned into a longie big one. Update: I am back working at the aforementioned shitty job, but with a highly improved situation. I am now on call all of the time, which means when I feel like working I say yes, and when I don't feel like working I say no. I'm not on the schedule, I don't have to deal with certain staff because I'm so sporadically there. Also, I get to start working at a different house. So today I was at said different house, which only has one client. Here is a joke he told me today: "If you're driving down the road in a lead canoe and one of your lugnuts comes lose on the front right tire, how many pancakes does it take to cover the roof of a doghouse?" The answer: "None, because shit doesn't float on toilet paper." And there you have my Friday night, and also the best joke ever.

HELLO! It is a Thursday night. Tomorrow is Friday. I am going to work from 11-3 tomorrow. Tonight I still have to watch 30Rock and Grey's Anatomy. There is bookclub this weekend and also Heather's birthday!!

I love Tuesday nights at 9:54 when I don't have to be up too early but I can't sleep too late. Sleeping too late makes me sweaty and groggy and I miss the window of time in which my body requires its daily caffeine supplement. Coffee with lots of cream and sugar.
Other things I love:
Chocolate chip cookies
Subway 6-inch turkey subs with American cheese, mayo, green peppers, cucumbers, spinach, and lettuce
Sleeping dogs when they have dreams and their legs twitch and they try to bark
Clean cotton t-shirts
Fresh pillowcases
Reading until I can't keep my eyes open
Sitting very still
Mascara
How I feel after I exercise
Walking or running to the beat of the song on my iPod
The song "In Love With Another Man" by Jazmine Sullivan
The part in David after Dentist when he stands up in his seat and screams (youtube it)
Birthdays--doesn't matter whose it is
Taking a hot shower after dragging myself out of my warm bed into the cold house
Accepting things
Women's group
Going pee after having to pee really badly
I love the people in my life so much I ache. I hope they know this. I hope they know I want to tell them about each thing I see that reminds me of them, each time I hear a joke they would laugh at, each time I talk about something they would be interested in. I hope they know how much I want them to be happy and that I accept them no matter what has happened in their past or will happen in their future because before time began we agreed to come into one another's lives for support or to learn or something we don't understand and that is the most sacred and beautiful and inexplicable thing in the world.
I may delete this post tomorrow.

Whew! I was super pissed in that last post. And it felt really freaking good to be mad. I'm so hard on myself when I get mad. I feel like it's an overreaction or something. I don't get mad too often, at least not to the point where I'm willing to be vocal about it. Sometimes you gotta get MAD. RARAARRRRRARARRRR. Dinosaurs had it good. They could roar, I think. Lions also.
In fact, after about a week of processing the situation, I feel pretty neutral about it. I'm not obligated to respond. Blogging about it could be construed as passive-aggressive, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't read this blog. If he does, consider that your response, pal. Also, I think I will donate the book to the Public Library.
Nerts! I'm gonna be late for Intro to Counseling!

Frosty Friday sounds about right, because it is a freaking blizzard out there again. However, I am excited to be STFI (Snowed The Fuck In) tonight. I got some Mac and Cheese boilin' on the stove, my PJs on, and I rented Rachel Getting Married with Anne Hathaway. She was nominated for Best Actress so it should be fun.
So! Where did we leave off?
Thursday I worked all day at mom's office and it was a pretty quiet day. Whenever I am there, the phones are mellow and there are no crazy people coming in, lining up, yelling about stuff. I have some sort of influence on the atmosphere! So in between the answering occasional calls, I did what I had to do: clipped coupons out of the back of the phonebook. There were some pretty good ones too. Laugh all you want, but at midnight that night, I got a free cookie from Erbert and Gerbert with one of those babies.
Heather invited me over for dinner and we ate an awesome meal of smoked salmon, asparagus, and some sort of creamy sauce over whole wheat pasta. It ruled ass. After that we hit the sauce, and in true Spring Break style, I crashed at their apartment again because I am so responsible. :o) Slept like a baby! A drunk baby.
Today I was at Mom's office again, and sure enough, it was pleasant and quiet. And now I'm home safe and sound, there's snow falling outside, and I'm cozy in my jammies. Life is good.
Consider yourself in the know about what I've been up to.

On Tuesday I joined the coolest couple around in St. Patricks shenanigans. Yup. The one (the two), the only, Matt and Heather. We cracked our first beer at 1 pm in their apartment and from about 3 pm on we wandered around downtown Duluth. And can I just say that St. Patty's in Duluth is kind of dumb? Can I? Because it is! I mean, I know it fell on a weeknight and everything, but most of the bars were totally dead except for Dublinn's and Carmody's, the two Irish pubs in Duluth. And even in those places it didn't feel very festive to me. This coming from someone with zero Irish heritage who didn't do anything for St. Patty's last year. But the company made up for it all, and I ended up having a blast.
I crashed at Matt and Heather's place last night in some borrowed PJs. I want to give a shoutout to H & M for being really good hosts. Heather even found me an extra, brand new toothbrush to use when I woke up with Catshit Mouth!
Today I worked out, made Tatertot Hotdish (organic version and also the best batch to date) and finished Season 4 of House. Also, I quit my job.
Then I contemplated life, napped, got up for Totdish, watched Lost and American Idol (not necessarily in that order), and now here I am.
Before I sign off I just need to say LIFE! Life is so, so odd. But it's wonderful and scary and painful and beautiful. It may or may not all even out.
ALSO! In lieu (sp?) of recent events, I would like to post the following song lyrics. I know, I'm emo.

You hate to be ignored
Or maybe you're just bored
So I open up my mail and there's a note from you
You say you're checking in
To see how I have been
And I'm doing so much better if you'd like to know the truth
You taught me well
You were my teacher and I thank you for the hell
You put me through I'm very grateful
Cuz I finally really learned what was important in my life
And I thank my lucky stars every day I'm not your wife
You're selfishly absorbed
You're childish and a bore
And I used to hold the anger in my stomach like a fist
But in time it was quite clear
Only I was suffering here
And having gratitude for you was the way out of this
You taught me well
You were my teacher and I thank you for the hell
You put me through I'm very grateful
Cuz I finally really learned what was important in my life
And I thank my lucky stars every day I'm not your wife
You taught me well that life is for the living
It's not about taking, it's all about giving
You taught me well
That sometimes what we want is staring us right in the face
And the power of forgiveness
The power of grace
-Alice Peacock

You may have noticed I'm a little behind on my Spring Break updates, for which I would like to apologize. I'm done fucking around.
Friday came and went really fast. I worked at my mom's agency all day answering phones, filing, dusting, and being a regular babe. That last part is my true full time job. Mom and Dad drove down to the cities to take Ellen out for a birthday dinner, so I had the house to my self. So I did what sometimes needs to be done on a Friday night home alone: lots of cocaine. Fooled you! I rented Season 4 of House, M.D. That show is crazy. After about 5 episodes it gets really predicatable, but then you're invested and there's no turning back. I also rented the horror film Mirrors with Keifer Sutherland. I lasted about 5 minutes because the opening scene featured a dude's reflection in a mirror slitting his throat and spraying blood everywhere. It's not that I couldn't stomach it; I just have no respect for scary movies that open with no finesse. I also enjoyed a 10 o'clock batch of Spongebob Squarepants Mac & Cheese. I could have and even would have eaten the whole box if Lucy wouldn't have tried to eat my second bowl while I got up to get some more water (read: whiskey).
Saturday I worked at the group home all day. That was a mixed bag. I love the clients and we get along great. It's staff I have some issues with. Or maybe they have issues with me. I don't really feel like going into it...plus, it's not very Spring Breaky. Let's just say I was pretty wound up when I got home. The weather was gorgeous, so I went for a run on the Lakewalk, which was spectacular. I saw a lot of deer grazing in someone's backyard. They watched me run by without reaction.
Amy was in town on Saturday night! So we went out to sing karaoke. We agreed to choose our first songs for each other without telling each other what they were. I kicked off the night with a little Marvin Gaye-- "Let's Get It On." Excellent choice on her part! I picked "At Last" by Etta James. Needless to say, she nailed it. It was really, really busy with all the Spring-Breakers and such, so we each got one other song in. I sang "Man, I Feel Like a Woman" by Shania Twain, and Ames sang "Baby One More Time" by Britney. As the night was winding down we were approach by a 21 year-old Norwegian lad named Sven. He thought we were the cat's pajamas. At one point he said we should go flying together, as he is studying aviation. Sure you are! I said.
Sunday came and went pretty quietly. I wasn't hungover really, just really, really tired and still pissed off from my work shift the previous day. I watched a lot more House and went on another run outside. It was much chillier, but at least I saw a bald eagle flying along the shore.
I'm at a crossroads right now with my new job. One one hand, it's good experience, the economy is shitty as ever, and I'm lucky to have a job. But to me, that's kind of the same thing as saying I'm lucky to be miserable. So far it just kind of sucks balls, and I'm wondering what's the line between refusing to put up with a shitty job and bucking up and living with it.
The sucky part is, I get along well with the clients...but I'm not treated well by management and that may not change. Everyone who works there is either related or has known everyone else since about age seven. On my first day I had someone warn me about "office politics" like gossip and favoritism. I have a gross feeling that no matter how long I work there or how well I do, I'll never gain respect. In fact, it seems the better I do with the clients and the job tasks, the more I'm criticized and lectured. And that's bullshit.
On Saturday I gave one of the clients, Kathy, her shower and then helped her get ready for Mass later that evening. She even asked me to curl her hair, which she said she hadn't done for her since her mother passed away. That fact was confirmed by other staff. But before my shift was over, my coworker, who is in no way my superior/manager, pulled me aside and said I was spending too much time with Kathy and that I needed to be careful about "favoring" her. BULLSHIT SANDWICH.
I'm wondering if this is a lesson that's hitting me over the head. I just spend a year working a job I forced myself to be okay with because I thought I could go somewhere, or at least gain respect and recognition for all my hard work. After more than 9 months, a raise was just plain out of the question. When I finally took a fulltime position for 50 more cents an hour, thank GOD I realized how much I was wasting my time. Maybe it's time to face facts again, but without waiting a whole year.
Lately I've been a huge stickler about trying to see the "lesson" in things. I'm on this "everything has a reason" kick in which I force myself to be ever-optimistic, flexibl, and easy-going. Sometimes I think this mindset leads me to stay with things I don't like, put up with shit that pisses me off, and not speak my truth. Maybe the lesson here is bullshit is bullshit.

Hello! Welcome to Day 2 of Christa's Springing Break.
Today, I slept until at least 11 am. Then I took a shower. I was going to take Kathy from the group home to a concert, but when I called the house I found out she had decided she didn't want to go, so I didn't have to go to work afterall! Instead, I did a whole shitload of cleaning and dusting and laundry. When my parents got home, Dad and I enjoyed some Seagram's 7 while flipping back and forth between high school hockey (East lost 5-3) and ROAD RAMPAGE! It shows car accidents and trains crashing into semis. What more could you want?
Now it is 12:31, which is also my birthday. No big deal.
I should probsies hit the ol' hay on account of having to work a full day at American Family tomorrow.
Seacrest out (of the closet). Get it? Because he's gay?

Today is my little sister's birthday. She is 21. Whoah.
Also, tonight was the first night of my spring break! Or Sprinngen Breukater, in German. I double dare you to fact check that one.
Tonight I had class. Then I FORCED myself to go work out. I wore my running clothes under my regular clothes--Old Navy yoga pants, 2 sports bras, and all. I almost skipped, but then I did it somehow. It smelled way stronger of sweat in the Y than usual, too.
Then I went home, showered, ate a taco, and went over to my friend Evan's house to play Origins. It's a really neato/tostito game kinda like Trivial Pursuit where you have to guess the origins of Names, Words, Products, Inventions, Cliche/Expressions, and Nursery Rhymes. Pretty fun. This game taught me the true "Origin" of the phrase "Three sheets to the wind." Cool, eh? The only thing is, the game takes about 4 hours to play. Then we watched Role Models with his roommates. All-around a good time. Why I am I not in my bed.

I woke up in a shitty mood today. Have you ever woken up and just been PISSED? Well, it's not that much fun. Then I got even madder because I couldn't snap myself out of it. So I went and laid back down in my bed and tried to stop being pissed. And I couldn't. So I decided to just sit there with my pissy mood and let it be. I stopped trying to figure out why I was in a pissy mood and being all analytical about it and just let. It. Be. Someone should write a song called, "Let It Be."
I'm about to go to class. I just came from the vending machine, where I spent a dollar on an Almond Joy (aka shittiest candy bar ever) when I meant to buy a Reese's Whipps (before I knew it was the second shittiest candy bar ever). Luckily I had two dollars with me. Well, now I have two shitty candy bars with me. AWESOME. BUT! There is good news. After class tonight I will officially be on Spring Break!! I am determined to have a whole heap of fun, pissy moods and all.

Today I remembered my favorite thing ever: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey. Here is one:
During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not
putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."

Bah. Whenever I sit down to write on this dumb ol' blog I think, "Who gives a crap." I hope I will have something interesting or funny to say, but I don't. Most of the interesting and funny things I experience happen to me throughout the day, and to be honest, I just don't care enough to write them all down here. I wish I did.
I am drinking a mocha. It's getting down to the sludge at the bottom. On my last swig I got a piece of something. Thinking it was a piece of chocolate, I tried to chew it. Turns out, it wasn't chocolate at all. It had the texture of tree bark. Do you see what I mean here about not having much to say?
Someone just hiccupped really loudly behind me. And I wanted to turn around. Also, I wanted to laugh because, Hey, we've all been there, man.
I'm in the computer lab in the basement of Rothwell Student Center at U.W.S. I was supposed to have a Women's Group, but the group leaders had to cancel it because we only had 4 members and they are required to have 5 to start. When you get to a certain point in the counseling program you have to lead a group so you can practice group therapy. And when you're a noob in the program, you're required to participate in one of those groups. My options were Coping with Stress, Life Transitions, Body Image, and A Women's Group. Uhhhh dooooyyyy.
There is supposed to be a storm today. If it happens, it will make for an interesting drive to work. In fact, I'm not sure why I am still over in Superior when I could just drive over the bridge in clear conditions. Sometimes the things I do are super hilarious. Like, I was all proud of myself for completing my Loan Entrance Counseling and Master Promissary Note online over the weekend. Then I got an email today saying I completed them for the wrong type of loan. Yikes. If I were lending me money, that would be somewhat of a RED FLAG!
I'm at a point where everything going on in my life is somehow amusing. Maybe it's because I'm exercising again. I get pretty fucking giddy when I exercise regularly. But it also could be because sometimes you just have to throw up your hands. The craziest-ass shit goes down in the world every instant and there isn't a damn thing anyone can do about it. That's not hopelessness, it's just reality. I have no control over situations like being in traffic and having some blowhard cut me off. I have no control if a big huge blizzard comes squirrelling into town and I can't get somewhere. I can't control it that the economy is in the world's largest toilet bowl. But I can control how I react to all the stuff I see and hear and experience. I choose! I think that's what freedom is.

I have been compared to a young Paul Newman. It's the eyes, and the face, I guess. Also, I make my own salad dressing. I mix Newman's Italian with Newman's Ranch. I sell it at flea markets for a small loss. I could make a profit if I changed one of the ingredients to Wishbone, but I won't do it.
-Michael Scott

I just love sales. I love it to death, it's as simple as that. And I don't get to do enough of it as a manager, so I took this second job, kind of as a hobby. Some people have golf, or relaxing.
-Michael Scott

I got a The Office desk calendar for Christmas. Each day is a new quote. Maybe I should post a quote...right NOW!

"Check to see if she's faking. If a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. You know what? I bet she cracked it at home and jumped in front of the car to get some worker's comp."
-Dwight

We have a new President of the United States. I'm gonna remember this day and tell youngins about it, too. I will tell them I was working at the drug store and one of the pharmacy techs had the Inauguration streaming live on the Internet. The fairly-sure-he's-racist tech didn't like it one bit, calling it "a bunch of drama" and mentioning that the last good President was Thomas Jefferson. Then he showed me the tattoo of "We The People" on his forearm and told me his father's definition of a patriot. My manager took a vacation day to watch Obama get sworn in, and she NEVER took vacation days. I got home later and my parents were watching coverage of all the inaugural balls the Obamas were attending. We were filled with hope and pride.